Long time, no post.

Hey, everyone...

I've so much to share! Both good~ And bad...

I'm no longer at Royal King and have changed jobs twice since then... The thing I've learned? The economy is seriously harsh right now.... and trying to reestablish yourself after over 5 years abroad is most difficult in the extreme, esp when you have ongoing post-sepsis health concerns bordering on disability....

But I'm finding my way~

I got myself my very first ESA, Bumble, a ptyas dhumnades [big-eyed rat snake]! And immediately realized how much I truly needed one all these years. Then... just as I was about to start him his own TikTok channel? He... died... tragically.... 😭 Not even two weeks ago... He was only 8 months old...

The grief almost destroyed me. I now know how it feels to struggle with verifiable broken heart syndrome... It wrecked me in a way that nothing else ever has... 💔

To save myself, I went back to the reptile store and found a beautiful, gentle, and cuddly python to be my new ESA.

Where Bumblebee was a comedic drama noodle matching with my inner Tigger energy? Luci, my new python,  is a gentle, shy, cuddle bug who soothes my inner Eeyore... She's helped me work thru my grief this past week and ease the ache in my heart. 

Bestie also helped in the most unexpected way, by saying my Bumblebee is now up with my Viking ancestors~ In an instant, my mind went back to my ancestral cave and I saw him there... being held by our leader, exploring, periscoping, and zipping around like he always used to do... making my ancestors laugh with his antics... and everyone thanking me for the unique gift I had given them in making him my "first born son"~ 🥹

Bestie and I are now planning to create a short film in his memory, with those images included~❤️‍🩹🥰

Here's a few pictures of my baby boy from his short time with me:

He's... also... the first snake I've ever seen beg for food! 😆

HE WAS SO STINKING CUTE!! 😍❤️‍🔥

I'm absolutely devastated that he's gone.... but... I guess Loki loved him so much as a cute wittle baby with his giant head and big eyes that he refused to allow my Bumblebee to grow up.

Now he's forever adorable and feisty entertainment for my Viking ancestors and the gods~

Luci?

She's the opposite of Bumblebee in temperament, but am even better ESA because of it~ She stole my heart by crawling into my shirt and refusing to leave the second time I ever held her. She now let's me give her head kisses and returns them in her own snakey way! 🥰 She'll never replace my first born son... but she's helping heal the gaping hole his death has left behind. 

I'm still working hard to get my own business going and build connections here in Gainesville~ I'll even be moving in with Bestie soon, then we're going to get going on our joint projects. We're planning so many things! Please check back in a few weeks for updates~

Lydangu!

Love Your Dreams And Never Give Up!

-^v^-

Xitch Xiblings, LLP, Opening for business!

 We've done it!

We're putting our money where our mouths are and starting our LLP!

We haven't filed the paperwork yet, but we will be filing it soon~

Our LLP will incorporate our individual sole proprietorships and our joint endeavors, including the homestead and our Medarmory!

"What's the Medarmory?" you ask~

Stay tuned for more info at a later date!

If you wanna meet us? We'll be at Rural King's farmers market this Saturday from 11am to noon.

Hope to see you there!

Removing the dam...

I've had a roller coaster of a two weeks...

I knew that cutting the rest of my hair would lead to the release of old energy, but I was woefully unprepared for the magnitude of the flood that was triggered...

Not only did the echo of the old energy I once endured sound, but new aches that had been silent for decades made themselves known. I knew of the multiple physical injuries to my right shoulder... but I was unconscious of the silent, frozen, emotional trauma that was stored in my left shoulder. Now it feels as though my entire upper body is compromised by deep scars that radiate out from two epicenters of injury, criss-crossing over my arms, chest, and back like barbed wire to restrain my movement and cause further pain.

Not only did I collapse twice at work in one week, but I ended up having to call an ambulance the second time for fear of becoming catatonic yet again....

Thankfully... my new employer and team has been extremely empathetic and understanding.

They were more worried about me than my own father has been, going so far as wanting to move my motorcycle inside the store to protect it while I was in the hospital, then being shocked when I showed up for work early the very next day. Not only did they allow me to work my full shift at my own pace, they continually told me not to overdo it while I was there. Even the customers were surprised and full of understanding!

Seriously... "hypochondriac", my arse!

A hypochondriac wouldn't be collapsing in agony simply from trying to work a regular shift!

Back to my left shoulder though.... 

The amount of trauma that is stored in my feminine is far more than I once realized... It brought about dreams full of grief, testing, and allegories of the repeated trauma patterns that I've been trying to break free of. They were so painful to witness that I woke up in tears with a rebound migraine and full body pain so bad that I was forced to take 600mg of ibuprofen AND 50mg of sumatriptan with breakfast this morning, then lay down for yet more rest. Thankfully... this combo worked and I was released from the grip of pain enough to go out and get groceries...

Anyway...

Moral of the past two weeks?

Be careful with what you release energy-wise... It may be more than you are prepared to handle in the moment and can come with unforeseen consequences. Healing is not easy.... and can often come with more pain than you'd prefer to endure. However, it is worth it if you wish to grow and build a better future for yourself and those around you.

No more looking back.

From now on I am only looking forward.

The Lessons of Chronic Illness

With every step I take towards healing mentally, I'm learning just how much of my trauma and suffering is in part due to chronic illnesses that have gone undiagnosed and unchecked...

With the help of DeepSeek AI I'm finally starting to make sense of it all.

I've been diagnosed with PCOS, which runs in the family along with migraines and arthritis, but I also self-diagnosed with PMDD before doctors in Japan confirmed my suspicions. I was diagnosed with NeuroCardioGenic Syncopy when I was 23, but that's just another subsect of Dysautonomia, like PMDD and my other diagnoses. On top of that? I was diagnosed with a Craniocervical Instability and Hypermobility in University... which are comorbidities with Autism, ADHD, and Dysautonomia; the only 3 things I've yet to have confirmed by doctors because they can't believe that that's the issue. They'd rather label me as a "hysterical" and "bipolar" female! Add to all that the fact that I was raised in a chaotic household where trauma was handed out like candy while love and understanding were withheld? 

And you have the perfect recipe for explaining precisely why I am the way I am today... including the catalepsy that DeepSeek just picked up on from some of my life experiences!

Only now after sepsis? It's grown into a verifiable disability...

I literally only just recovered from being all but catatonic for a full 16hrs...!

IT TOOK 2 WHOLE DAYS OF REST AFTERWARDS!!! 

All because I got slammed with a sinus infection, dysautonomia from two overly stressful days at work over the weekend, AND PMDD all at the exact same time! I tried to work on Monday, but after only 2hrs on my feet I was seeing double, unable to think clearly at all, and all but collapsing! I had to immediately leave and come home. As soon as I ate and laid down? I was unconscious for 16HRS, almost straight. I only woke up when maintenance came banging into the apartment to do their sprinkler check... and the guy took one look at my face and steered well clear of me, thinking me contagious.

"A hypochondriac", my arse!

Next time someone says or tries to imply that? I'm taking their MFing head off!!!

Just because I "look healthy" and "appear fit" at 41... DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T BE STRUGGLING WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS!!!

I may have wracked up thousands in doctor's bills without insurance trying to figure this sh*t out, but I'm getting to the bottom of it. Now all I need is a genetics test to confirm my suspicions, since doctors are refusing to listen to my insights or conduct the tests I know they need to in order to check. I swear. I'm only ever working with female doctors from now on, unless the guy is a feminist and proves he's on my side. I've dealt with so much f*ing misogyny in my life, even in the medical field, it sickens me!

NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE!!

Just because others refuse to see or believe doesn't mean a damn thing!

They're just blind and refusing to see your point of view!

PROVE THEM WRONG!!!