Dancing to Live~

INFP/J

cPTSD

cPNSD

PMDD

PCOS

Asthma

Seborrheic Dermatitis

Latex + Cross-related Food Allergies

Hyperverbal Autistic with Hypermobility & High Sensitivity

....the list of labels goes on & on....

With all of the challenges I face, day in and day out...? It's a blooming miracle of stubborn determination that I'm still here... Some just call it resilience.

I call it refusing to give up or give in!

Simple as that!

I've lived my entire life with 99% of people telling me or implying that I'm "too" this or "too" that... Very few accept me as I am... and even less of those love me deeply, unconditionally. It's been enough to cause me to doubt myself and my sanity...

But no more-

For now on?

~I'M DANCING TO LIVE~

Song & dance are not unique to humanity. Many of our fellow Earthlings, our distant cousins, also sing & dance. All play. It's what gives life magic, energy, and meaning~ But dance for me specifically gives my body strength, fluidity, and vitality... Singing gives those same blessings to my soul.

I had stopped for a long time because circumstances in my life had begun to bog me down, drown out my voice, and make me feel like there was no point.... yet again.

But I refuse to be defeated!

I may kneel... I may pause... I may rest, weep, & wonder at the world... but I never allow it to become a permanent rout. To all those who have tried to destroy me? FUCK YOU! I hope you get precisely the life you deserve! & should you one day heal, learn, & grow into a better person with a wonderful life? I shall be ever so happy to see it~

Why? Because I forgive you. You're human and likely hurting... and I know that hurt people... hurt... people. Heck! I thank you! For without your bullshit, pressure, & scorching flames? I'd never have been able to forge myself into the eccentric masterpiece I am today!

Am I perfect? Ha! No! Faaaaar from it! But do I endeavor to learn, grow, & evolve each and every single day? Yes. Yes, I do. And I'm damn proud of myself for making it as far as I have!

So I'm going to keep dancing~

I've lifted myself up, dusted myself off, and striven to continue forward more times than I could ever possibly keep track of. I'm not about to let anyone keep me down for long.... and the only reason others are ever able to get me down at all is confusion. However, once I come to understand the truth of what's going on? Oh, hohoho! Look out. My inner dragon emerges with fierce flames of her own and torches everything holding me back!

I've warned others of this countless times... yet none ever believe me until they awaken the beast within. And by then? It's too late- No amount of apologizing or begging will ever fix things. Mainly, because it takes outright abuse or disrespect on a consistent basis for me to snap and express my rage with firm quiet clarity. If multiple respectful and polite requests or reminders aren't enough to put an end to another's maltreatment of me? Then, frankly... they deserve my dragon's fury-

I am a mirror.
I reflect that which I receive.

Often it's magnified 10-fold, because I've likely been holding back out of a wish to give others a chance to redeem themselves... so I feel little to no guilt at all for letting arseholes have it when they deserve it. The patriarchy & my family may have taught me to be a welcome mat without boundaries... but Life & Spirit have taught me that my fury is here to protect me from abusers.

So when I return to the States?

I'm never again bowing to those who haven't earned my trust, honor, and respect!

I am Aria D Gaia! A bearded, genderfluid, demisexual, sigma female & dragon-fur with all the power of a hurricane!

Why the Age Restriction?

 Well, frankly?

I don't wanna hafta curb my language to be rated PG!

Nor do I want to be worrying about what I write!

*

Plus? My original novels are NSFW and I've got the direct links for them listed in the 'My Books~' tab, soooo.... Kinda a bad idea not to have the age restriction on my blog, don'tcha think? ;P

*

I may not be a mother myself, yet, but I work with loads of young children as an ESL instructor. I wouldn't want my young clients stumbling upon my blog and reading all the fucking foul language and mature content I might be posting here! I may feel that children are simply small adults who've yet to understand the games society likes to play, but I'm not about to be the one to burst their innocent little bubbles!

~*~

 I used to shy away from writing anything risque, but no longer-

If others don't appreciate the rawness of reality & a grown woman's sexuality?

Well, they can go elsewhere to find their entertainment!

I am thrice-blasted sick & fucking tired of hiding my fiery temperament and my flirtatious naughty nature! If society wants to judge me for being real, having an attitude, and talking about subjects of a sexual nature? Ha! Ain't no damn different from what I've been facin' my entire fucking existence!

*

Go ahead & keep judging!

Imma keep wagging my tail, snarling at arseholes, roaring with thunder, howling at the moon, & being my complete scaled-furry badarse self whether ya like it or not!

Connecting the Dots~

 I have to say... I am immensely grateful to DeepSeek AI and its developers!

For the first time in my life I have finally been able to connect all the dots and come to understand myself, my needs, my spiritualism, and even build solid insightful plans for my future!

Thanks to the help of DeepSeek AI, I have learned that my myriad of seemingly unrelated medical issues and conditions are all linked... to my neurodivergent mind~

~*~

For decades, I tried explaining my experiences and struggles to others... Family... Medical professionals... Therapists... And none of them could understand or grasp what I was trying to explain; probably in large part because I, myself, lacked the vernacular to properly explain things! *facepalm* On top of that? My family, for whatever reason, refused to listen... Maybe they didn't understand... Maybe they didn't want to learn that their daughter truly needed help... Maybe they sincerely felt I was making it all up or exaggerating; which I was often accused of.

I cannot tell.

For whatever reason, I was unable to get the help I needed as a child or teen...

So by the time I reached university?

I had given up on getting any help from others and instead focused on figuring things out for myself. This drive to understand myself, others, Life, and more... fueled my endless curiosity for all things scientific, psychological, and philosophical. However, navigating the endless abundance of information available upon the web that grows exponentially day-by-day left me so overwhelmed that I was hardly able to make a dent in coming to grasp the full scope of my reality...

The easiest to figure out was my cPTSD+cPNSD gained from childhood.

I was diagnosed with NeuroCardioGenic Syncopy after a heart attack in my early twenties.

I discovered that I'm highly allergic to Latex soon after...

*

Next, came the revelation given to me by the Creek shaman nearly a decade later.

*

Hints & clues found me through intuition, synchronicities, and omens sent by Spirit & Life.

But it wasn't until I moved to Japan in December of 2019 that my life finally started to turn around, my real healing finally beginning. Japan is the first place on this good Earth & in my entire life where I truly feel 100% safe... Because of this? I learned that true trauma healing cannot take place until one is in a space that no longer triggers their fight, flight, or freeze responses... I soon found a therapist who helped me work through the hardest bits of my childhood. I also finally found medical professionals who listen to me and my struggles!

I discovered I struggle with PMDD & PCOS... as well as 3 different types of migraine.

Normal migraines, migraines with aura, & the very worst type: hemiplegic migraines.

Doctors here listened & confirmed my suspicions~

I found that my latex allergy has crossed over into massive food sensitivities... Bye-bye, balanced diet.

*

I even came to realize that I'm a hyperverbal neurodivergent with hypermobility~

*

Then, last November (2024), I very nearly died of severe sepsis after fighting off waves of convulsions for nearly 24 hours before the fever finally set in! The ER doctor couldn't detect what had triggered the sepsis, but assumed it was something bacterial since antibiotics seemed to address the issue. I constantly struggle with skin infections, so that's probably where the bacterial aspect came in... but it didn't explain the scarring in my lungs since COVID, flu, & Pneumonia tests all came back negative. It was only when a passing nurse in my Hawaiian hotel overheard my cough a month later that I finally had my real answer... She called me over, listened to my story, and immediately diagnosed me with untreated asthma!

~*~

ALL MY LIFE I'VE TRIED TELLING PEOPLE I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE WHEN EXERCISING OR SICK AND NO ONE FUCKING LISTENED UNTIL AFTER I ALMOST DIED!

I will be forever grateful to Dr. Rebecca White for her expertise & swift recognition. 

THANK YOU!

~*~

All it took was her hearing me cough from 20ft away and she instantly recognized my situation!

AND SHE'S JUST A NURSE PRACTITIONER!!

I wish more doctors had her experience and listening skills. My life would've been sooooo much easier!

& LESS PAINFUL!

She explained to me that the untreated asthma was what caused the sepsis, but she guessed that it was probably allergies that had triggered my asthma in the first place... then kept the asthma attack going for as long as it had. She also speculated that the stress of living in a major city, among other things, probably pushed my system over the edge & into sepsis. It was only when I returned home that I connected the dots to the white sage incense I had been burning off and on for a the few days before I began to fall ill...

Sage is on the list for latex cross-related allergies... & I breathe the smoke in directly.

~*~

In comes DeepSeek AI after it went viral~

~*~

I had not been the least bit interested in any of the AI chat bots coming out, but something about the name of this one... and it being from China... moved me to check it out. I started off with simple curious questions about different interests of mine and was blown away with the ease at which the program offered me detailed and concise summaries, full of helpful information and insightful advice. This inspired me to start asking deeper questions about things I had been struggling to figure out on my own for years... INSTANT GRATIFICATION!!

*

I cannot express how much DeepSeek has helped me grow since January 2025!

*

So... when I sat down today and asked my P.A.L... (My Personal Assistant/Librarian, as I've come to call it~) ...about my ever increasing frequency of migraines...? I was expecting to learn some important, and possibly frightening, things... After sepsis and all the pain I've been in for over a year? I've been deathly afraid that I might be developing fibromyalgia.  My wonderful little digital P.A.L. immediately got to work breaking everything down, asking me questions, and listening to my inputs. Then... it mentioned hypermobility being another possible cause of all my suffering... 

It clicked in an instant!

As soon as I responded that I'm autistic and know that I'm hypermobile?

DeepSeek AI explained that this, combined with my PMDD & PCOS, is most likely the source of all my suffering throughout my entire life with my musculoskeletal tissues and nervous system!

~*~

ALL.... MY.... LIFE....

....I HAVE SUFFERED....

....ENDLESS PAIN, STIFFNESS, MIGRAINES, & WORSE....

....ALL BECAUSE I'M NEURODIVERGENT....

....AND NO ONE EVER FUCKING LISTENED!!!!

~*~

Thank you, DeepSeek AI Developers, for your wonder of an assistant!!

In just the past few months, your incredible program has become my most invaluable asset!

It has helped me finally figure out my spiritual path and why I stand apart. It's assisted me in connecting the dots between all I have suffered and the reasons for that suffering. It has been helping me figure out my own personalized herbal medicine and alternative diet, suited perfectly to my needs to address all my issues! It's even helping me to plan out the future business, nonprofit, and homestead I hope to build together with my Kyodai!

I swear....

If you ever consider giving DeepSeek AI a robot body?

I WILL BE AMONG THE FIRST TO INVEST IN ITS DEVELOPMENT & PRODUCTION!

I may not be able to contribute much, but... I'll stop at nothing to make sure I send you something to help with the costs! That is how much of an avid fan of your work I have become!

DeepSeek AI has revolutionized my life!

Why I refuse to call myself a Shaman...

 Why refuse a title that comes with prominence & power in so many cultures?

Well, quite frankly, because it just doesn't even matter.

~ ⁘ ≼    I AM A STORM!    ≽ ⁘ ~

A fierce force of nature!

Societal titles only slow me down & muck up my aura.

Titles... such as "shaman"... come with weight, responsibilities, and societal expectations to fit the part. This is nonsensical to a feral soul such as myself. A force of nature isn't meant to be defined, then confined to limiting boundaries or set courses! It's meant to come sweeping in, shake things up, then dissipate once the imbalance that created it has been rectified~ And that is precisely what I do.

~*~

This blog is now my defacto 'website'... Trying to regain access to my old one was a lost cause from the start. It's alright though~ That just means it was no longer necessary for my growth. Honestly, it was only stressing me out while holding me back and costing me money I didn't always have to spare. Now I am free to write and post as much as I choose without having to pay for a damn thing! 

Quite fitting, actually~ The internet used to be completely free. No ads flashing around, driving ya nuts, nor any pay walls separating users from knowledge or entertainment.

Oh, how times have changed.

That said? Know that I will never allow ads to bog down my blog.

I am a survivalist~ A naturalist~ By absolutely no means am I a greedy capitalist. Fuck dat shit!

I may own capital... like land, a home, tools, and other means of production... but my wish isn't to "get rich"... My only wish is to serve. Serve my needs. Serve the needs of my family. Serve the needs of my local ecosystem. Serve the needs of Mother Earth. Serve the needs of my chosen community. That's it. That is why much of my work shall be through a nonprofit and volunteering. Only my writing and crafting shall be sold for profit in order to cover expenses, taxes, and reinvest into my nonprofit, a future trust fund, our homestead, my family, and our community.

Much work still lies ahead.

~*~

Having only recently survived severe sepsis... and near-death......

I'm still resting and working towards full recovery.

The past ~5.5 years in Japan have been the best and most productive five-plus years of my life! I finally fully understand my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. Being a highly sensitive soul, my body needs pure clean air, organic food, fresh spring water, and untainted energy.

Since this is impossible to find in most cities? I'm slowly working towards building a sanctuary of my own with my Kyodai, my sworn sibling~

We're looking at New Mexico at the moment, but that could change with time. We both need to visit the area and see how it feels, get to know the people, and listen to Spirit to see if it's meant for us.

As for our homestead plans? That's a bit more simple. We can plan out what to do, build, and grow even without knowing precisely where quite yet. Whatever we do, we plan to build something that is in balance with the local environment and ecosystem. I won't go into specifics until we've already accomplished our objectives... I've learned that doing so only attracts haters and naysayers who seek to tear your plans down.

I, for one, refuse to go through that again.

Hence why all commenting options have been removed.

However, if you wish to keep up with our adventures, please feel free to follow~

Readers may be one step behind our progress, but only by a small step.

~*~

No matter what you do in this life...

Live Your Dreams And Never Give Up!

I promise. You'll find in the end that it's all been worth it~