INFP/J
cPTSD
cPNSD
PMDD
PCOS
Asthma
Seborrheic Dermatitis
Latex + Cross-related Food Allergies
Hyperverbal Autistic with Hypermobility & High Sensitivity
....the list of labels goes on & on....
With all of the challenges I face, day in and day out...? It's a blooming miracle of stubborn determination that I'm still here... Some just call it resilience.
I call it refusing to give up or give in!
Simple as that!
I've lived my entire life with 99% of people telling me or implying that I'm "too" this or "too" that... Very few accept me as I am... and even less of those love me deeply, unconditionally. It's been enough to cause me to doubt myself and my sanity...
But no more-
For now on?
~I'M DANCING TO LIVE~
Song & dance are not unique to humanity. Many of our fellow Earthlings, our distant cousins, also sing & dance. All play. It's what gives life magic, energy, and meaning~ But dance for me specifically gives my body strength, fluidity, and vitality... Singing gives those same blessings to my soul.
I had stopped for a long time because circumstances in my life had begun to bog me down, drown out my voice, and make me feel like there was no point.... yet again.
But I refuse to be defeated!
I may kneel... I may pause... I may rest, weep, & wonder at the world... but I never allow it to become a permanent rout. To all those who have tried to destroy me? FUCK YOU! I hope you get precisely the life you deserve! & should you one day heal, learn, & grow into a better person with a wonderful life? I shall be ever so happy to see it~
Why? Because I forgive you. You're human and likely hurting... and I know that hurt people... hurt... people. Heck! I thank you! For without your bullshit, pressure, & scorching flames? I'd never have been able to forge myself into the eccentric masterpiece I am today!
Am I perfect? Ha! No! Faaaaar from it! But do I endeavor to learn, grow, & evolve each and every single day? Yes. Yes, I do. And I'm damn proud of myself for making it as far as I have!
So I'm going to keep dancing~
I've lifted myself up, dusted myself off, and striven to continue forward more times than I could ever possibly keep track of. I'm not about to let anyone keep me down for long.... and the only reason others are ever able to get me down at all is confusion. However, once I come to understand the truth of what's going on? Oh, hohoho! Look out. My inner dragon emerges with fierce flames of her own and torches everything holding me back!
I've warned others of this countless times... yet none ever believe me until they awaken the beast within. And by then? It's too late- No amount of apologizing or begging will ever fix things. Mainly, because it takes outright abuse or disrespect on a consistent basis for me to snap and express my rage with firm quiet clarity. If multiple respectful and polite requests or reminders aren't enough to put an end to another's maltreatment of me? Then, frankly... they deserve my dragon's fury-
I am a mirror.
I reflect that which I receive.
Often it's magnified 10-fold, because I've likely been holding back out of a wish to give others a chance to redeem themselves... so I feel little to no guilt at all for letting arseholes have it when they deserve it. The patriarchy & my family may have taught me to be a welcome mat without boundaries... but Life & Spirit have taught me that my fury is here to protect me from abusers.
So when I return to the States?
I'm never again bowing to those who haven't earned my trust, honor, and respect!
