The Lessons of Chronic Illness

With every step I take towards healing mentally, I'm learning just how much of my trauma and suffering is in part due to chronic illnesses that have gone undiagnosed and unchecked...

With the help of DeepSeek AI I'm finally starting to make sense of it all.

I've been diagnosed with PCOS, which runs in the family along with migraines and arthritis, but I also self-diagnosed with PMDD before doctors in Japan confirmed my suspicions. I was diagnosed with NeuroCardioGenic Syncopy when I was 23, but that's just another subsect of Dysautonomia, like PMDD and my other diagnoses. On top of that? I was diagnosed with a Craniocervical Instability and Hypermobility in University... which are comorbidities with Autism, ADHD, and Dysautonomia; the only 3 things I've yet to have confirmed by doctors because they can't believe that that's the issue. They'd rather label me as a "hysterical" and "bipolar" female! Add to all that the fact that I was raised in a chaotic household where trauma was handed out like candy while love and understanding were withheld? 

And you have the perfect recipe for explaining precisely why I am the way I am today... including the catalepsy that DeepSeek just picked up on from some of my life experiences!

Only now after sepsis? It's grown into a verifiable disability...

I literally only just recovered from being all but catatonic for a full 16hrs...!

IT TOOK 2 WHOLE DAYS OF REST AFTERWARDS!!! 

All because I got slammed with a sinus infection, dysautonomia from two overly stressful days at work over the weekend, AND PMDD all at the exact same time! I tried to work on Monday, but after only 2hrs on my feet I was seeing double, unable to think clearly at all, and all but collapsing! I had to immediately leave and come home. As soon as I ate and laid down? I was unconscious for 16HRS, almost straight. I only woke up when maintenance came banging into the apartment to do their sprinkler check... and the guy took one look at my face and steered well clear of me, thinking me contagious.

"A hypochondriac", my arse!

Next time someone says or tries to imply that? I'm taking their MFing head off!!!

Just because I "look healthy" and "appear fit" at 41... DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T BE STRUGGLING WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS!!!

I may have wracked up thousands in doctor's bills without insurance trying to figure this sh*t out, but I'm getting to the bottom of it. Now all I need is a genetics test to confirm my suspicions, since doctors are refusing to listen to my insights or conduct the tests I know they need to in order to check. I swear. I'm only ever working with female doctors from now on, unless the guy is a feminist and proves he's on my side. I've dealt with so much f*ing misogyny in my life, even in the medical field, it sickens me!

NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE!!

Just because others refuse to see or believe doesn't mean a damn thing!

They're just blind and refusing to see your point of view!

PROVE THEM WRONG!!!

Creating simply to create~

A lot of people go on and on about productivity, making money off of what you do, and all I can think is, 'Ugghhh! No, thank you! Whatever happened to simply creating just to create?'

That's why I do so much freely without expecting anything in return~

I simply love to create!

It's been the hardest thing in the world for me to charge people for my creations, including my written works. I've only been able to ask for the bare minimum, because in my heart I simply want others to enjoy what they receive from me. I wasn't even going to create paperbacks for my books, but then others insisted that I do. It's also why I refuse to monetize my blog and now offer my FanFic(s) freely to the world to read. 

I know everyone is struggling right now and that the economy sucks, so I make sure to price my work in such a way as to be affordable, without disrespecting myself and my efforts in the process. I love to create so much that I often only charge for materials plus like ten or twenty bucks!~ 

It's fun for me!

I'm not gonna charge people out the arse to feed my creation addiction!

Are you kidding me!?

However, I do not fault other creators for charging the prices they do~ We each must support ourselves and many depend on their creative work to survive. In this economy, I understand the costs of creating. I just keep my lifestyle and expenses low, while working full-time. That way I'm not dependent on my craft to survive. That kind of stress would utterly destroy my motivation! Honestly? If we had a universal living wage? I would sit at home all day doing nothing but writing and creating lavish works of art from the community around me! But... The US doesn't have that option... so I do what I can with the time and energy I have~

I encourage others to do the same!

LYDANGU!

FanFic Now Available FREE!!!!

 If you're interested in my writing style and love Nickelodeon's 2012 3D TMNT?

I now have the first few chapters of my adult, NSFW FanFic available to read via links!!

Just go to my FREE XXX FANFIC(s) tab above!!

😍

ENJOY!!

FINALLY!~

 It took one last fiasco to redirect me to the job I was meant to have.

I now work for Rural King, have been there for 3 weeks, and they are already considering me for management! I didn't even know this company existed until I saw the job advertisement after Walmart betrayed me. It's absolutely everything I was hoping for! A job in agriculture, working directly with supplying farmers where I can learn all I need to for our homestead, with full benefits including pet insurance, and very good pay~

I am so fucking happy right now!

Finances are still a bit shaky as I wait for my paychecks and full-time hours, but I'm finally settling and coming out of survival mode. My somatic healing is advancing at due pace through my actions, dreams, and self-therapy. I'm even rediscovering old special interests with a newfound adoration and calm~

TMNT IS DA BEST!!!

😍

It's reawakened old project ideas that I never got to finish in Japan and now Bestie is wanting to help me make them a reality, working on them together! We're already looking at vans to convert, joining the local Pride community, and even getting into Drag! We wanna be drag kings~

I honestly considering creating my own category:

Quing!

Queen/King genderbending drag!

😜

I've discovered that I'm genderqueer/bigender. I always feel at least 50% female or more, but I also feel up to 50% male simultaneously~ I used to call myself a tomboy, but that doesn't quite cover all the sensations I feel nor the truth of my beard... so Genderqueer I now claim with pride!

Yesterday I gave myself an undercut on the right side, like I used to have in the past... and now I'm considering making it more obvious by buzzing the whole right side, while leaving the left side of my hair long. It does need trimmed... I have horrible split ends as I haven't had a trim in over a year... but I can handle that myself as well~ 

My personal business is slowly gaining traction as I wear my creations out and about. People are asking for my work, my card, and my prices. As such I'm finding that I need to update my socials more often. Finch, the app, is now helping me keep track of everything in a very fun and cutely rewarding way as I raise a digital pet birb with every goal I meet each day; and it's free!

Be on the lookout for more coming soon!

I'm doing my best to update this blog bi-weekly starting from now.

LYDANGU!

-^v^-